


Maybe I Don't Want Heaven

by orphan_account, sleep_deprived_writer



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Feels, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Modern Fantasy, Triggers, idk how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:40:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23587012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleep_deprived_writer/pseuds/sleep_deprived_writer
Summary: Jeremy is a powerful mage. Jean is a spirit separated from his body. They strive to help each other. Drama ensues.
Relationships: Jeremy Knox/Jean Moreau, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15
Collections: AFTG Reverse Big Bang 2020





	1. Before

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic. Its a mess. Please be gentle. A huge huge huge thanks to my amazing beta reader Lilly/thatexygurl. She came in clutch and made this fic come together. And I enjoyed writing this fic for Finn/solelystarling's art and prompt.  
> I hope y'all enjoy it.
> 
> TW's for the whole fic (i'll specify in each chapter): torture past¤t, self-harm past¤t, gang violence, death, alcoholism, abuse, depression

There was only pain. Riko and Testuji’s grips and the ropes tying him to a post held him tight. He knew what was going to happen. He was raised in a coven and he wasn’t an idiot. 

Another wave of all-consuming pain.

"Hurry up! If we don’t finish the ritual soon, you'll end up killing him." Master Testuji say

"I am hurrying," Riko snapped back at the master, in a way only he was allowed. A familiar calloused hand pulled Jean's head up from where it rested on his chest. 

Testuji grabbed his chin and forced Jean’s mouth open. Jean thrashed against Riko’s grip. 

A vial full of black liquid was raised to his lips. Riko and the master started chanting as the thick liquid burned a trail down his throat. Jean felt the pain fade away. All he felt was relief before his soul left his body.


	2. Day 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw's: self harm past present, suicide attempt past present, gang violence, abuse, alcoholism

###  **Day 1**

“Jeremy! Wake up! Your shift started 10 minutes ago!” Alvarez shouted . Startled, Jeremy sat up quickly and hit his head on the roof of the attic loft . 

“Alvarez, I am very aware of when my shift started, but unlike some people, I work exclusively night shifts,” Jeremy said as he climbed down the ladder, rubbing his head. The night shifts were normally fairly slow, but when there was a case it usually called for the most powerful type of mage, a light-medium, which Jeremy so happened to be. 

“Well, also unlike some people, you were called out to a job with the Foxes ten minutes ago. I’d hurry before Rhemann gets here. He was on his way right after Neil called,” Alvarez said from below the loft. The Foxes specialized in spirit work,solving crimes or protecting people while the Trojans--Jeremy’s coven-- normally focused on domestic and corporate services. The Foxes never called for help; and if it was Neil who called, everyone knew it was all hands on deck.

“Fuck. Okay. Where do I need to go?” Jeremy said as he grabbed his satchel off a hook where he also kept his jacket. He usually didn’t need it because the Trojans worked in warmer climates. There was, however, a need for the hundreds of protection spells that was woven into it by both he and Laila, who was a protection warlock.

“Neil sent the location to the company cell. From what I can tell, it was an abandoned warehouse near the ports,” Alvarez said

“Do you want to help? If it's near the ports we could use your water reading to figure out what happened.” he said with one hand on the door.

“I can’t. They requested only you,” Alvarez said. “Something about discretion and understanding.” 

“Tell Rhemann that I took the truck,” Jeremy replied as he stepped out into the cool night air.

⋯

When Jeremy pulled up to the warehouse, there was one dim streetlight and the stench of the rotting sea. The warehouse walls were covered in graffiti. There was a hole that was semi-covered by a chain link fence. Jeremy was highly worried about the condition of the warehouse.

Jeremy stepped out of the car and immediately felt awful. There was so much death magic that it was overwhelming. This would be harder than usual. He wouldn’t be able to do anything for days after this if it was as bad as he thought it was going to be based off of the massive waves of death magic coming off of the warehouse indicated. 

Even if Neil and Andrew could help it wouldn’t be enough, the magic was so potent and there was no way it could be broken by someone other than a light medium Neil and Andrew were some the best mages Jeremy had ever met and both were extremely powerful but death magic could only ever truly be released by a light medium. 

Jeremy was extremely powerful and had worked in places of mass destruction caused by death magic but the magic he felt… it was the darkest he had since... 

Jeremy shook his head and told himself to focus. No sense of dwelling in the past. 

Jeremy could also sense that there were also multiple signatures. There seemed to have been two death magicians, but there was a fading signature from a life magician.

“Fuck,” Jeremy whispered.

Life magicians were extremely rare and extremely sought after. They could put souls into bodies to heal, and they could also remove souls from bodies. Due to this, many gangs hired them so they could resurrect or kill people. This made life magicians very dangerous, especially in Los Angeles, you never know who was loyal to who, or if they were actually loyal in the first place. 

“Knox.” A voice came from behind him. In a flash, he turned around and had a knife in his hand. 

“I’d rather you not kill him, Knox,” Andrew said with his normal blank mask of an expression with his arms crossed. Despite Andrew only being 5 feet tall, Jeremy wanted to hide somewhere where Andrew wasn’t.

“Fucking hell, Neil. Can you both please make some noise next time?” Jeremy lowered the knife with a huff but he still stayed just as tense.

“Sorry,” Neil looked sheepish. “I thought you had noticed us.”

“It’s fine. I’m just on edge.”

“Good.” Neil’s eyes turned icy and the burn scar on his cheek only added to the fierceness in his expression. Even Andrew’s blankness turned colder if that was possible.

“Please tell me why the hell I need to be on edge. Except for the obvious amounts of death magic radiating from that warehouse,” Jeremy said with a nervous glance. Neil and Andrew exchanged a glance and seemed to come to a decision. 

“It’s the Moriayamas,” Neil started, “We don’t know what they did or when they did it, but there reports of a black sedan with a Raven hood ornament at this warehouse,” Jeremy hid a wince. At first glance it wasn’t obvious, but Jeremy had a history with the Moriyama’s.

“Fuck,” Jeremy said. “Why do you need my help with this though? You have Allison and Renee. This seems more like a Fox case than a Trojan one.”

“Renee has already attempted to figure out what happened, Allison as well. They both spent all their magic trying to figure out what happened let alone fix it. We can’t afford to let the Moriyamas go.” 

“Okay. Let’s go.” Jeremy said and they walked through the gaping hole in the wall.

⋯

The inside of the warehouse was freezing. Jeremy couldn’t tell if it was from the weather or the death magic. He shivered. There was no way that he was going to be able to fix whatever the fuck happened.

There was a grating sound as Andrew heaved open a door that led to a mostly empty room. Jeremy looked around. The walls were covered in corrugated metal, rusted catwalks crisscrossing the air above their heads and there was no light except for one industrial light that was flickering above a pentagram. In the middle of the pentagram, there were cut ropes and dried blood.

Jeremy ran his hand through his dense curls. Helping the Foxes was going to get him killed. He was already well acquainted with the cruelties of the Moriyamas but this was extremely risky.

The Moriyamas had killed someone in a ritual. He didn’t recognize the ritual but he knew it was bad. There were markings for death, the Veil, and the soul. He wanted to get out of here. There was no way that he was going to come out of this situation for the better. 

“So, what can you do about this?” Neil asked. He looked expectant but his eyes were still icy and he was somewhat braced against Andrew who was standing beside him. 

“I think I can get rid of the aura leftover and figure out what happened.” Jeremy sighed. “I don’t know if I can reverse it . Did Renee or Allison say anything about what they felt or if they have any clue what happened?”

“They didn’t feel anything but we brought Nicky in to see if he could identify who the signatures belonged to. He knows one of the death magicians was Tetsuji and the other Riko. All he could figure out about the life magician was that it’s a male and to quote Nicky ‘Welcome to join me and Eric anytime he wants'.” Neil shook his head. Jeremy blushed slightly. Nicky had said something similar when they first met, and he might have taken him up on that offer but Neil and Andrew didn’t need to know that. 

“Okay. That should help. If I know who wields the magic, I can get a hold on the magic and that means I can break the aura leftover easier.” Jeremy said. “Do either of you know someone who is good at healing? The spells seem very strong and I know you both know how explosive breaking spells can be.”

“Yeah. We can bring you to Abby and Bee after or we can call them here.” Neil looked slightly concerned. “You know you don’t have to do this right?” Jeremy gave the show-stopping grin that he was known for and hid behind it. 

“Yeah, I do. You remember all of the disappearances in LA a few years ago?”

“Of course we do. We investigated half of them.” Neil’s concern turned to confusion and Andrew just shifted his weight from one foot to another. 

“So, you, of course, know that the main suspect was the Moriyamas but the LAPD couldn’t convict anyone due to lack of evidence.” 

“Yeah. Jeremy where are you going with this?” Neil asked. Andrew seemed to know where this was going so he poked Neil in his ribs. Neil huffed out a breath.

“Well,my boyfriend and my dad were taken. They were confused for members of a gang that had been gaining too much control for the Moriyama’s liking and they took them out.” Jeremy shook his head trying to clear out the memories that threatened him. When he spoke again, he spoke in an icy voice. “I want the Moriyamas taken down. I don’t care how long or what I have to do, they ruined one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I’m tired of them continuing to haunt me.” He rubbed hands over the tattoos that covered his arms and the scars that they were trying to cover.

“Okay. If you’re certain.” Neil looked like he wanted to say something else, but changed his mind. “Andrew will set up a ward on our way out so the surrounding areas don’t get damaged if the spell breaking becomes dangerous.”

“Thank you,” Jeremy said. “I’ll see you on the other side.”

⋯

Jeremy took a spellbook out of his bag and walked over to the pentagram. It was always best to break the magic from the center where the magic was most concentrated. 

As soon as Jeremy began to chant the spell, magic whirled around him, creating a ball of light surrounding him. Jeremy mentally grabbed onto the death magic, knowing the life magic was elusive and wouldn’t allow itself to be caught, Jeremy gave up so he could get the Moriyamas’ magic gone. Life magic could be broken by someone else if need be. 

Jeremy’s chanting grew louder as he started to break apart the magic. The room grew hotter and hotter. Jeremy’s shoe soles started to melt onto the concrete and he had a fleeting thought that his only goal was to come out of this alive. The death magic started to fray as Jeremy’s light magic tore through it. 

There was a supernova of light as the death magic was torn into shreds by Jeremy’s light. He fell to the floor and pain exploded through his body. The last thing saw before the world went dark was the glowing soul of a breathtakingly handsome man hovering over him.

⋯

There was suddenly light. 

So much light.

Then there was a world in front of him again. It was the same world that he inhabited but Jean felt none of it. There was no feeling. Yes, it was the same cold concrete where he had been ripped from his body but he didn’t feel the chill.

Despite it being the same world there was a ball of light surrounding him. There was a man in the center of the light. He was muscular. His arms were covered in spiraling tattoos. His hair was full of spiraling curls that sprang into all directions and his eyes were blue fire in the extreme light. The man was chanting a spell and his lips seemed to curl around the words.

There were streaks of black in the light as the light somehow grew brighter and more intense. Jean saw the man’s shoe soles melt. His jacket was being ripped to shreds by the light. The stranger’s skin started to glow. Then there was a flash and the light turned black and then everything stopped. The man collapsed to the floor. Jean walked over to the man and hovered over him. 

Jean was at a loss. Normally he would be able to help this person but he couldn’t do anything. Every time he tried to shake him Jean’s spectral hand would stop without him meaning it to. 

“ _ Putain de merde vous enculé j'espère que vous irez en enfer vous morceau de merde, _ ” Jean yelled to nothing, or so he thought. 

“You know, that’s not very nice. You don’t even know him.” There was a new, but familiar, voice from behind him. He turned around to make sure that this wasn’t some hallucination.

He saw two familiar figures in the flesh and both looked extremely angry. Well, Neil did.

“Neil Josten and Andrew Minyard. What a pleasure.”

“Jean Moreau, I wish I could say the same but you are looking quite… see-through,” Neil said with a wince.

“I figured. If it wasn’t so much trouble could you tell me who the fuck this is and why the fuck he’s here.”

“Ah, that’s Jeremy Knox. He’s the most powerful light medium in Los Angeles and we needed his help,” Neil said.

“Do you know someone who can help him? I would but my magic disappeared along with my body and something is stopping me from touching him.”

“Yeah, Abby and Bee are almost here. He’ll need all the help he can get. If we can get his jacket off you could probably touch him. That jacket he’s wearing is almost entirely protection spells,” Neil said. Andrew walked over to Jeremy and hovered his hands over his head. Andrew’s hands glowed softly with a greenish light and Jeremy sat up. 

“Fuck,” Jeremy slurred as he struggled to stay upright. Andrew pushed him back down with no resistance. 

“Lay back down you idiot,” Andrew said. He hovered his hands over Jeremy’s head again and Jeremy fell asleep.

Neil’s phone rang and there was a moment of him talking to Abby and Bee before he hung up.

“They’re here. We need to get him out of this warehouse though. Jeremy might have broken through the death magic and gotten rid of the aura but there are still pieces of Riko and Testuji here.” Neil walked over to Andrew and they slung Jeremy’s arms over their shoulders. Jean followed them as they walked outside half-dragging half-carrying Jeremy. 

⋯

Abby and Bee were beside themselves. They did their best to heal him but it would take time. They kept Jeremy asleep through it all. The outside of his body didn’t show much damage except for the slight pallor to his skin but the inside obviously had plenty of damage. 

Jean was extremely concerned for this man he had somehow never met before in his life. A man that was so powerful that Jean was surprised Jeremy hadn’t been coerced or killed by the Moriyamas. 

Bee and Abby had been working to heal Jeremy for almost an hour and he was surprised that they hadn’t passed out by now. There was no way that Jeremy would have survived whatever happened if Neil and Andrew hadn’t been waiting for him. Jean felt bad that Jeremy had been dragged into this mess. 

“What happened to you Jean?” Neil asked. “I know you’re not dead but why are you a spirit and where’s your body?” 

“Riko and Testuji separated my soul from my body using death magic and I’m assuming that they put the soul of a completely loyal and submissive person into my body to use it how they wish. I was trapped in purgatory before Jeremy somehow brought me out of it and back here,” Jean said. Abby and Bee looked resigned but Neil looked unsurprised and Andrew was nowhere to be found as he was setting up a ward that prevented people from entering the now almost destroyed warehouse.

“What do you think Riko and Testuji are planning with your body?” Neil asked. Jean thought for a moment.

“Probably trying to overthrow Ichirou. They both are liabilities in Ichirou’s eyes and you know what being a liability means in the circle of the Moriyama’s.” Jean rubbed his hands together, feeling the scarred bumps of his once broken fingers and Neil unconsciously passed his hand over a spot on his shoulder where Jean knew there was a scar from the cut Jean himself put there under the control of the Moriyama’s. 

“Yeah, I do.” 

“Well, what’s the plan?”

“You and Jeremy are the only ones that can ‘fix’ you.” Neil said, putting air quotes around ‘fix.’ “Renee and Allison are completely drained and couldn’t even make a dent in the power that Jeremy just ripped to shreds.”

“Jeremy Kox is passed out in the back of a van with extreme internal bleeding and my magic apparently doesn’t work without my body.” 

“I’m fine,” Jeremy walked up with a grin on his face and managed to trip even with the help of Abby and Bee. Jean scoffed. Jeremy looked indignant. “I  _ am,”  _ he insisted _. _ “Also who the hell are you?”

“Jean Moreau.” Jean held his most scarred hand for Jeremy to shake. Jeremy didn’t even pause for a second before taking it in a firm handshake. 

“Jeremy Knox,” Jeremy said before giving Jean a more blinding grin than before. Jeremy turned to Neil. “Where’s my jacket?” Neil held out a scrap of burgundy cloth with ‘Knox’ embroidered into the cotton with shiny gold thread. Jeremy’s face crumpled and the light went out of his eyes. He reached out and grabbed the scrap of fabric from Neil and clutched it to his chest. 

“Jeremy-” Neil started to say something but he cut himself off. Jeremy staggered away towards a silver truck that was parked on one side of the road and climbed in. He closed the car door before pulling out his phone. 

They all watched on as the normally sunny Jeremy Knox broke into pieces.

⋯

Hope was a thing that Jeremy had always been able to hold onto until now. Now as he was clutching the last piece he had of Jamie. The last piece he had of his first and longest love. All of the hope he had been holding onto was gone. Gone like the jacket Jamie had stolen because he was ‘cold’. Gone like his father’s crinkly smile that greeted him every day. Just  _ gone _ . 

Jeremy wanted to call Alvarez or Rhemann, just anyone. Jeremy’s bag was on the passenger seat. He groped for it, pulled out his phone, and opened it. He scrolled through his contacts until he saw a number that he hadn’t gotten rid of after three years. Jamie’s. 

He pressed on the name and held the phone up to his ears with shaking hands. There were four rings. Then someone picked up the phone.

“Jamie?” he croaked out. 

“Sorry wrong number.” the voice on the other end of the line said before hanging up. Abby had put his bag on the passenger seat. He groped for it. He grabbed and pulled out his knife.

He put the cold tip to his skin. Skin that was covered in horizontal scars that were intersected by one long vertical one. Skin that was covered in lines from Jamie’s and his father’s favorite book. He wanted it over.

He pressed down.

Down

Down. 

Then he couldn’t. Something stopped him.

Jeremy thrashed and screamed and sobbed. Whatever, whoever was stopping him held tight. 

“Please.” Jeremy wailed. “Please. I want this over.”

“No. It’s not worth it. Don’t let it win. Don’t let  _ them _ win. I don’t think you want them to win, do you?” Jean asked. Jeremy shook his head. “Good now, will you please stop?” Jeremy nodded and Jean let his hand go.

Jeremy felt his chest start to tighten. 

“Jeremy. Look at me.” Jeremy did. “Good now look into my eyes.” Jeremy did. “Now breathe with me.” 

“I can’t.” Jeremy’s chest contracted more.

“ _ Allons,  _ you can try,” Jean said, gently prodding. Jean stood quietly as Jeremy tried to synchronize his breathing with Jean’s.

Sky met slate as they both stared at each other while Jeremy still clutched the knife to his chest. Jean started to sing softly in French. A lullaby it seemed. Jean’s eyes seemed to cloud over with suppressed pain and Jeremy had the fleeting thought that Jean probably knew all too well what Jeremy was feeling.

Calmer now Jeremy let the knife clatter to the floorboard. 

⋯

Jean struggled to stay calm when he saw the knife covered in blood. After years of trying and failing and trying and succeeding Jean was good at recognizing when he was close to his demons overcoming him. However, his demons were calm as he stared at the broken man in front of him while Neil pressed a bandage over the small puncture in Jeremy’s arm. 

Jeremy was a man that seemed to have just as many demons as Jean did. 

“Jeremy,” Neil said. “Bee is going to take you back to the Trojans. Jean is going to go with you. Andrew and I have to go back to Palmetto. We can’t take Jean with us.” Jeremy looked up from his arm where he had been watching Neil wrap it. Jeremy grinned. It was a little manic and hollow but for the most part, it looked like the sun rising above the clouds. 

“Awesome,” Jeremy said. “We need new blood. Once we get you fixed it’ll be great.” Jean wondered how Jeremy managed to be so seemingly compartmentalized. One second the was begging to die and the next he was grinning like a fool.

“Yeah...Awesome,” Jean said. Jeremy chose to ignore Jean’s sarcasm and turned to Neil to ask how the Foxes were doing. They talked for a while and Jean listened in. 

Allison and Renee were apparently a thing now, Nicky and Eric were finally getting married in the fall, and Matt and Dan were looking to adopt a foster child. Aaron and Katelyn were getting used to being together without sneaking around. Kevin was doing well and was finally getting over his drinking problem. 

Jean had never been particularly interested in other people’s lives but the Foxes had taken him in after Riko had left him to die. They had been good to him and helped him to see that you can move past your past. He owed them his life and sanity. 

Jean looked back on the past week with a far away lens to keep the horrors from reaching him and his peace. 

Once Jean had felt comfortable enough to live alone after the horrors of Riko and the Evermore mansion he had decided to go to France. Not to see his family but to take back a part of him that Riko had tried to take away. Unfortunately, that’s what Riko had expected. Some Moriyama lackeys had kidnapped him when he landed in the Paris-Charles De Gaulle. 

Once in captivity, Riko unleashed all of his favorite horrors upon Jean’s body. While Jean still inhabited his body the memories and the demons had resurfaced, making the torture unfathomably terrible. 

Jean had no clue what was going to happen once he was back in his body but he doubted it was going to be good.

⋯

“This is where you’ll sleep.” Jeremy said, he winced. “If you sleep. I don’t really know if you will. I normally sleep in the loft but for now I’ll be staying in my apartment. So let me know if you need anything. You’ll be ‘working’ the night shifts with me until we can figure out how to find your body and put you back into it. Neil and Andrew will also be updating us on where they’ve gotten on their side. Oh, a side note we will need you to tell us exactly what you remember from that night. You won’t have to but if you think you can we will need it to figure out what happened. It will be useful so we can reverse your...condition.” Jeremy finished with a glance back to Jean who had a slightly shocked look on his face.

Jeremy knew he could be intense. He felt bad for Jean. Most people who knew Jeremy well were aware of the constant earnestness and jarring mood swings. Jean was not and he had experienced one of Jeremy’s darkest moments and then Jeremy’s normal sunny attitude. 

“ I would like to get started as soon as possible,” Jean said.

“Okay, you have free reign of the shop. I talked to Rhemann. He knows you’re here and he’ll be in to give you the whole rundown of what we do here. I need to go… do something.” Jeremy said. “I’ll wait until he shows up though because I need to talk to him too.” 

“I do not really care.” 

“Awesome. Fuck you.” Jeremy smiled a sickly sweet smile at Jean. Jeremy understood the man’s hostility but even through the little time they’ve been around each other, it was starting to grate on him.

Jeremy was so tired and in so much pain. The sudden closeness that he and Jean shared had scared him He just wanted to go back to his apartment that he used to share with Jamie, take a few painkillers, and sleep until the world ended. 

He avoided the apartment at all costs even though it was above the place he worked. But right now he wanted the old familiarity of the worn-in mattress. 

⋯

He met Jamie when he started working with the Trojans at 18. Jamie was another light medium but he and Jeremy could not be more different. 

Jeremy was all rough edges in the process of being smoothed out and Jamie was a grindstone. Jamie had grown up pampered and rich in Beverly Hills while Jeremy had grown up with no mother and a father who was always working out of necessity. Jamie was soft and gentle; Jeremy was hard and ready for the fight he was used to due to the fact that he inherited everything from his father except he got his mother’s bright blue eyes.

They were a cliche but it worked. When Jamie was killed he had been meeting with Jeremy’s father to ask permission to marry Jeremy. The future Jeremy had fought for was right in front of him and it had been taken away in the time it takes for two incompetent gang members to kidnap the wrong people.

There was a period of time where Jeremy went off the grid from the Trojans. He never left the apartment. He only ordered in. He had nothing to distract himself. He could barely bring himself out of bed. After the initial period of completely consuming depression, he was angry all the time.

Jeremy worked but he lashed out at everyone. The sharp edges were back. He was sharper than ever and angry. There was so much anger and sadness. No one could reach him at all. Alvarez and Laila tried and he let them in somewhat but he had been too broken to let anyone in. Too broken to let himself in. Jeremy started taking his anger out on himself. He got so tired of lashing out and hurting other people so he hurt himself instead. 

It hurt so much for so long that Jeremy decided he couldn’t take it anymore. One night after an especially hard day he took the knife his father had given to him on his tenth birthday and tried to kill himself.

Alverez had taken to waking Jeremy up in the morning in her usual fast and loud manner so she almost didn’t notice that Jeremy wasn’t in his bed. The bed that he again had taken to barely leaving. But she noticed and searched for him until she found him barely alive in a pool of blood on his bathroom floor. 

Jeremy only remembers what other people told him about the rest of that week. They told him he was barely alive when someone who was able to help him arrived. They said he barely made it to the hospital. They told him Jamie’s parents showed up inconsolable. Jamie’s parents paid for all of the medical bills because they couldn’t bear to lose another son. They also said that Jamie’s parents had sent Jeremy to the best mental rehabilitation facility in Southern California. 

While he was there Jeremy made friends. He met a woman who had lost everything because she was schizophrenic but still had the biggest smile. He met a 16-year-old who had starved herself until she almost died but had the most optimistic attitude. He met another light medium who had had her mind ripped to shreds by a blood magician but she still played the most beautiful, most hopeful music.

These people helped bring him back. They helped him to believe that the world could keep turning even if Jeremy had lost his sun. Jeremy became his own sun after this. He became more hopeful and more loving. He became the optimistic ray of sun everyone, including himself, needed.

He, of course, had his broken moments. Every year for three years Laila and Alvarez stayed up watching over Jeremy on the anniversary of Jamie and his father’s death and on the anniversary of Jeremy’s attempted suicide. He owed these people his life and he was determined to make it count. As he stared at the soul of Jean Moreau he thought he might be able to.

⋯

“Knox, do you want me to come with you?” Rhemann asked gruffly. 

“I’ll be fine. I think I need to visit them alone right now.” Jeremy smiled sadly. 

“Whatever you say, kid. Just give me, Alvarez or Laila, a call if you need anyone.” 

“Will do. Oh, before I go make sure Jean knows he can use my notes from past cases and what I’ve found on the Moriyamas so far,” Jeremy said. He reached for his jacket but found thin air. Jeremy withdrew his hand quickly and pushed down emotions that threatened to swallow him at the reminder of the missing jacket.

“It’ll be alright kid.” Rhemann clapped Jeremy on his shoulder before walking away. Remnants of earlier pain shot through his shoulder and he winced.

Jeremy recalled Jean’s grey eyes and tired face as he tried to talk Jeremy down. Jeremy was going to take the truck again but because of that, he needed to forget for a while. Jeremy grabbed his motorcycle jacket and helmet and headed out the door. He slung his leg over the bike, revved the engine, and drove off. 

⋯

As Jean read through Jeremy’s journals he felt like he had found someone who could match him. Jeremy was thorough. He was smart. He was broken too. Broken by the Moriyamas. Angry at the Moriyamas. Someone else who had rebuilt themselves after the Moriyamas' destruction.

However, as far as Jean could tell Jeremy was rebuilt as the sun and Jean was rebuilt as the moon. They could not be more different in their attitude. Jeremy was everything that Jean wasn’t. 

Rhemann had shown him around the shop. It was a cozy shop and everything you would expect a shop full of people doing magic to be. There had been people in and out as Jean sat and read Jeremy’s journals. Laila Dermott had passed by with barely a glance. Sara Alvarez the same. Jean could see them glance over from where they were bent over a spellbook. He knew they wanted to ask questions but he had a feeling that Rhemann or Jeremy asked them not to say anything. He was grateful.

“Jean, come over here,” Laila called him over from where she and Sara were sitting. 

“What do you want? I am busy,” Jean said.

“I know but we found something that might help you,” Sara said.

“There is a spell that is very similar to the one that the Foxes think was used on you. It is used for animals and there are multiple spells to reverse it.” Laila told him and held out the spellbook. The pages were yellowed with age and there were what looked like bloodstains on the page that was open. Jean knew that if he was whole there would be death magic radiating off of it but all he felt was hollowness. 

“Where did you get this?” He asked.

“Jeremy found it on one of his more risky jobs. It was hidden in the abandoned house of a blood magician,” Laila said. “Though these spells.” She paused. “It seems to be they can be performed by any sort of mage”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I translated and tried those spells myself,” Jeremy said as he walked into the shop. His dark hair was sent everywhere by the motorcycle helmet that was underneath a leather-clad arm. He was wearing a devilish grin that seemed stronger than it was earlier but his eyes were red-rimmed.

“Did it work though?” Jean asked, ever skeptical.

“Yeah, it did. I tried it on this old stray cat that used to hang around the shop. It got hella sick and died but I remembered the spell, I put the cat’s spirit into the body of this dead kitten we found.” 

“Were there any side effects?” 

“Nope. Same asshole cat as it was when it was a stray.”

“The second that the spirit was in the kitten it bit Jeremy,” Alvarez pipped in. “It hated Jeremy.”

“How long do you think it will take to adjust the spell?” Jean asked.

“It will take a few months. Trial and error and all that shit.” Jeremy said. “I’ll get started right away. I’ll need your help though. I need to know what spells you use to put souls back into bodies. We also need to figure out where the hell your body is and who’s currently inhabiting it.”

“The Foxes have most of my spellbooks. I’ll try and think of where the Moriyamas could have taken it but I have been out of their circle for a while so things might have changed.” Jean said. He subconsciously brushed his fingertips over the Fleur de Lis on his cheekbone.

“Great. And Jean--” Jeremy opened a door in the back of the shop that contained a flight of stairs. 

“What Jeremy?” Jean asked.

“If you ever need to talk about the Moriyamas or get angry and break some shit let me know. I’m great at listening and breaking shit.” Jeremy slipped into the staircase before Jean could respond. 

As far as Jean could tell the small sad smile that he saw on Jeremy’s face before the man slipped away was the most genuine he had seen.

⋯

As soon as Jeremy stepped into his apartment, he regretted letting Jean take the loft. He wondered if it was too late to change his mind.

“Fuck!” Jeremy shouted at nothing and he threw his motorcycle jacket and helmet onto the nearby loveseat. Memories threatened to overwhelm him. He took out his phone again.

To Group Chat: the gfs & the hopeless romantic

_ u up for sleepover tonight: Captain Sunshine _

_ i need a distraction: Captain Sunshine _

_ sleeping in the apartment again: Captain Sunshine _

_ Alvarez: always m8 _

_ Laila: yep _

_ thanks you guys :): Captain Sunshine _

Jeremy exhaled and turned off his phone. Laila and Alvarez would show up when they could. Jeremy wanted to get a feel for the apartment again. He was going to be here for however long it took to help Jean and then some. 

He had a guest room he could have offered Jean but he wasn’t ready to have someone new live in the apartment with him. Especially someone who didn’t make noise. Jean could touch things and interact with them but he never made any noise. It was disconcerting, and not what Jeremy needed the first time sleeping in his apartment for almost two years. 

He had been in and out of course for paperwork and the like but never for long. It was too hard. Too painful. Jeremy wanted to be able to live again and to not be haunted by the memory of Jamie. 

Currently, however, Jeremy was in pain and exhausted. Jeremy checked the time, it was noon. He walked over to the couch and flopped onto it. He grabbed the TV remote and turned to a nature documentary. Partially because the British accent of the narrator always seemed to soothe him and partially because he had an actual interest in the subject.

The voice of the narrator went on and on about the mating rituals of tropical birds and Jeremy slowly slipped into a fitful sleep.

⋯

The doorbell for his apartment startled him out of sleep. Luckily there wasn’t a ceiling to hit his head on this time. Jeremy got up and padded over to the door to see who it was. He looked through the peephole and saw that Laila and Sara were at his door with bottles of alcohol, pillows, and blankets.

Jeremy opened the door with a whoop.

“Alvarez. Laila. You guys ready to watch me get hella wasted?” Jeremy put on his biggest most grin.

“Always man,” Alvarez said.

“It’s always super fun,” Laila said.

At that Alvarez handed him a bottle of Crown Royal. Jeremy took a swig straight from the bottle. It burned as it went down. When the whiskey hit his bloodstream the world started to go a little hazy. Jeremy smiled at Alvarez and Laila and took another swig and another and another until the bottle was completely empty.

Jeremy wasn’t drinking to forget. He wasn’t drinking to remember. He was drinking to keep himself from retreating into his past. Something that happened all too often when he slept in the apartment.

Jeremy tried not to drink every night he stayed in the apartment. He couldn’t bring himself to do that to his father’s memory. His mother was an alcoholic and abusive to Jeremy’s father. Jeremy refused to go down that route.

However Laila and Sara always made the times he did drink the best times.

“Jeremyyyyyyy,” Alvarez singsonged. 

“Saraaaaaaa,” Jeremy singsonged back. 

“Can we paint your nails?”

“Fuck yeah,” Jeremy said. Sara pulled a bottle of bright red nail polish out of nowhere and they got to work.

⋯

Jean sat on the loft encircled by Jeremy’s journals and different spellbooks. Every once and a while he would hear a giggle from Laila or Sara or a boisterous laugh from Jeremy. 

Jean kept getting more and more annoyed. He just wanted to study the books in the quiet. Jean was trying to do whatever he could to get back into his body. He understood what Jeremy was doing though. The need for distraction.

Scattered throughout the notes about cases and spell experiments there were snippets. Snippets of a past that was torn away. In some of the earlier journals there were little love notes that Jean dared not to read tucked in between pages. Sometimes there were sarcastic comments about what Jeremy had written in the margins in a looping cursive that was the opposite of Jeremy’s blocky scrawl. 

Jean felt like he was intruding. He knew he had Jeremy’s permission, but he still felt awful. There was no way Jean could keep reading these while laying in Jeremy’s bed, listening to Jeremy laugh, and seeing little signs of his inhabitance in the shop everywhere. 

Jean closed the journal he was reading and placed bookmarks in the open journals surrounding him. He picked up the book that Laila and Alvarez had shown him earlier and read it until his eyes miraculously started to close as he faded away to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tw's: torture (this has Jean's whole story in it)

###  **Day 2**

Jean startled awake when he heard the sound of a coffee grinder. It came from Jeremy’s apartment but he was still hardwired to wake up at the slightest noise. 

“Fuck.” Jean said rubbing his eyes. Jean gathered all of the books he had brought up onto the loft with him and climbed down. Jean had learned earlier that he had impeccable balance so he was able to take almost all of the books that he had in the loft down with him. He dropped them on a scarred wooden table that was nearby.

Jean walked over to the door that led to Jerermy’s apartment and considered opening the door and confronting Jeremy about being so loud. Jean reached for the handle and the door opened. 

Jean jumped back as Jeremy entered the shop carrying two cups of coffee. Jeremy looked apologetic and exhausted. His eyes were bloodshot and he had dark circles underneath his eyes that almost looked like bruises. His posture was extremely stiff and his curls were laid flat on one side of his head. He was also wearing an extremely stained but see-through white shirt and plaid pajama bottom.

“Sorry man. I didn’t think you would be in front of the door.” Jeremy said.

“It’s fine. I should have known better than to hover in front of a door.” Jean replied.

“Well here’s some coffee. I didn’t know if you drank coffee or if you could drink coffee at all right now.” Jeremy grinned sheepishly. “So I just brought you some anyway.” Jeremy thrust a coffee mug covered in tiny pink flowers towards Jean.

“ _Merci_.” Jean took the coffee mug. Jeremy looked away from Jean.

“No problem.” Jeremy took a sip of his coffee and Jean noticed Jeremy’s bright red fingernails. They were cute. Jean mentally shook his head. He tried to take a sip of coffee. Jean somehow could taste the coffee before the coffee fell to the floor. Both Jeremy and Jean looked at the coffee that was on the floor. 

“Well. I don’t know what I expected.” Jeremy shrugged and grabbed a rag that was hanging off of the back of a chair. Jeremy looked dismayed at the possibility of having to bend down.

“I’ll clean it.” Jean grabbed the rag and his scarred fingers brushed Jeremy’s calloused ones. There was no feeling of heat but Jean could feel the texture. 

“Thank you.” 

“ _ De rien.”  _ Jeremy looked away from Jean again. Jean was confused and kind of angry. Jean bent down to mop up the coffee. “Do you have a problem with me speaking French?” Jean tried to keep his tone neutral but he knew it came off as defensive.

“Ah. No.” Jean looked behind him to see Jeremy turn a bright red but his eyes were sad. “It just reminds me of Jamie. He used to watch French films religiously and we were both going to learn how to speak French.” Jean immediately felt guilty. Jean had learned who Jamie was and what happened to him and Jeremy’s father while reading through Jeremy’s journals.

“ _ De-” _ Jean stopped himself. “Sorry. Do you want me to stop?” 

“No. No, please don’t.” Jeremy gave him a soft sad smile. “I can tell that it's important to you and it's nice to hear French again.” Jean smiled at him and turned back to cleaning up the coffee. Jeremy turned to the pile of books that Jean had placed on the table, started to separate them into plies. After the coffee was wiped up Jean joined him.

They went on like that for a while. Until Laila and Sara staggered out of Jeremy’s apartment, somehow looking worse than Jeremy did. They were holding each other upright and they both were squinting in the morning light. 

“Fuck. Jeremy, why the hell are you up already?” Alvarez groaned. 

“It’s not my fault you guys are lightweights.” Jeremy grinned at them. Jeremy walked over to Laila and handed her his coffee. 

“You are an actual angel.” Laila sighed as she took a sip. Alvarez opened her mouth to protest.

“I’ll go get you some coffee, Alvarez. The whole pot in fact.” Jeremy said and Alvarez smiled. Jeremy held up a hand. “However, I will give you said pot of coffee if you and Laila go and pick up the breakfast that I already ordered and paid for.”

“Breakfast from where?” Sara was glaring at Jeremy now. Jean was concerned for Jeremy’s health but Jeremy was still grinning like a maniac. 

“I’m not an idiot. It’s from Freddy’s.” 

Laila and Sara tripped over each other to get out the door. Jeremy and Jean were laughing as they bickered about who was the better driver to go get the food.

Jeremy and Jean went back to sorting through books. They made small talk about little things and tried to get to know each other. Jean thought it was nice to talk to someone about trivial things even if the situation was the exact opposite. 

“I completely agree.” Jeremy said.

“ _ Putain _ ,” Jean said, “I did not mean to say that out loud.”

“Well, seeing as you got what’s on your mind out. Voluntary or not, It’s only fair I do the same.” Jeremy gave Jean a kind smile.

“Whatever you want to do.” Jean shrugged acting like he didn’t care when in reality he was extremely curious.

“Well, I was thinking about a few things.” Jeremy said. “The first was that I need to thank you for talking me down. The second was that I kinda hate that you were able to. As to why I hate that you were able to, well that was the third thing.” Jeremy gave a small self-deprecating smile before continuing. “I haven’t let many people in my life since...ever and you managed to smash into my life with no warning. It's not a bad thing. Just confusing. Before you got...detached, my life was finally in a pattern again and you inserted yourself into the pattern.” Jean smiled at Jeremy’s slight rambling.

“I feel the same way. Although my life was patternless before this all happened.” Jean said. “I was going back to France just to see what would happen. I was lost. I’ve been lost my whole life and I still am. I want to have a place where I belong.”

“I’ll help you search.” Jeremy met Jean’s eyes and gave him a determined look that made Jean feel like he might actually have a chance of being found.

⋯

Jeremy was fucked. He was so so fucked. He was an idiot. Such an idiot. He had no clue where the burst of honesty had come from with Jean. Jeremy wanted to go back in time and not say anything. To just ignore Jean and go back to sorting books for no reason. He had no clue what he was doing with Jean. Neither of them were in a position to pursue anything and he wasn’t even sure if Jean liked men. 

Fuck he was an idiot. Why did he have to blush every time Jean spoke in French? Yeah, Jean was hot. With his slate grey eyes contrasting brown hair so dark it was almost black. With his pale skin and freckles and those fucking cheekbones.And Jeremy totally wasn’t attracted to the fact that Jean was almost a foot taller than him. But that didn’t mean anything. Jeremy was attracted to plenty of people and he could not have possibly gotten attached this soon. 

“Jeremy, what the hell are you doing?” Jean said and broke through his thoughts. 

“Huh.” Jeremy looked down at his hands and saw that he had been flipping through the pages of a book without reading it. “Oh. I guess I’m still foggy.”

“Do you need to take a break?” Jean asked.

“Oh, no. I’m fine.” Jeremy closed the book and put it in a plie.

“You know when you say that you really sound like Neil.” Jean smiled wryly at Jeremy. Jeremy laughed in surprise.

“You know you aren’t the first person to tell me that. Fuck,  _ Neil _ has told me that I sound like him when I say that.” Jeremy was grinning.

“He is not wrong.” Jean said.

“No he’s not.” Jeremy’s grin faded a little bit as he turned back to the book that he had been flipping through. Jeremy looked at the page he had opened. “Ah, Jean I think it's time for you to tell me what you remember from the ritual.” Jeremy looked over Jean. Although there were no visible wounds Jeremy could see blood on Jeans clothes and rips. “You don’t have to talk about anything else. Not if you don’t want to” Jean looked distressed.

“I think I want to talk about the whole story. It might help you to understand why.” Jean said.

“Whatever you're comfortable with Jean.” Jeremy gave him a soft smile. 

⋯

Jean started to tell the story of how he got to where he was. His voice was shaky when he started. 

“I was 10 years old when they sold me. I was extremely powerful and my parents were in deep shit with the Moriyamas and owed them money. I was valuable. 3-years passed. I had been kept in comfort and treated well until I started to refuse to do their bidding especially when it came to dealing with souls. I was Riko’s partner. I was told to do whatever he said and cover his tracks. If I didn’t he was allowed to punish me. However he is estranged from the main family because he is the less valuable second son. His father never acknowledged him so he took it out on me when one of his actions wasn’t acknowledged. Which was often. “ Jean took an unsteady breath and looked into Jeremy’s icey eyes.

“He became obsessed with perfection. Especially when Master Testuji brought us to work at the Raven Company. If something wasn’t perfect we were both beat. If Riko felt it was my fault, which he normally did, he would give me extra punishment. Then Kevin showed up when I was 15. It was better for a while. Riko had something to distract him. A new plaything. Riko took his anger out on my body but he took his out on Kevin’s mind. Kevin was slowly going insane. I did my best to ground him, but Riko… Riko was in every crevice of our lives. He didn’t allow me to speak French because he could not understand it. He did not allow Kevin to contact his father even though he had found out who he was. This went on for 3 years. Then Kevin broke. He finally broke.” Jean stopped and looked at Jeremy. Jeremy saw something in Jean’s eyes. Jeremy held out his hand for Jean to grab onto. Jean gripped onto it like it was a lifeline.

“ He fought back and Kevin almost got his powers stripped. He was so weak. He escaped and I helped him. Kevin went to the Foxes and I got left. Riko lost his mind. He didn’t know I helped Kevin get to the Foxes, but all the same. He forced me to break my fingers, he cut me, he hit me, and he waterboarded me. He only stopped when Master Testuji told him to stop. I wanted to die. I wasn’t allowed to heal myself like I had done in the past. I was forced to work despite everything. They didn’t allow me outside. They forced me to work in the basement, hidden from the world. I was only allowed outside after the marks were not visible. Everything went back to how it was before Kevin arrived.” Jean paused and got a reign on his memories.

“Jean, You don’t have to keep going if you don’t want to. It's okay.” Jeremy said in the silence. Jean looked into his eyes and saw understanding. 

“No, I need to tell someone. I need to get it all out.” Jeremy nodded and Jean continued. “The next year went by in a blur of numbness. I was so upset to have lost the only person who had a chance of understanding. A year later Neil showed up due to some threats Riko made to him. He was forced to come to the Raven Company for two weeks during Christmas. He was supposed to belong to the Moriyamas but… Well I imagine you know that story. But when he was there with me we were forced to work together. If he disobeyed I was punished and so was he. For every ‘mistake’ that was made the other was punished. Neil left after those two weeks barely alive. Then later Riko’s father died. He lashed out again and this time Testuji didn’t stop him.” Jean took a shuddering breath and his accent was making his words come out quicker. “Pieces of my scalp were missing. I was barely breathing when Renee, my only contact from the outside got there, my only friend, got there. She stormed the building with the building manager and rescued me after I had yet again been left to die in the basement. I owe her my life. Renee took me to the Foxes so I could heal inside and out. They all helped me so much. They showed me I had a future. I stayed with them for two years. Last year I decided that I wanted to explore the world I was never allowed to see and help people instead of hurt them. I travelled and travelled and there was no sign that the Moriyama’s wanted me back until two weeks ago. I wanted to see France. Maybe visit Marseilles. Not see my family but gain some closure from the city that I had loved so much. I landed in Paris and was waiting for a taxi when they grabbed me. I don’t know who grabbed me for sure but all I remember after that was waking up in the warehouse tied in the middle of the pentagram. Riko and Testiji were there ready to torture me again. I saw that they had brought all of their favorite toys and were ready to make me hurt. All of my past memories came back with the torture and made them impossible to withstand. I have no clue how long they tortured me but then they stopped. They stopped long enough to make a potion. I remember some of the ingredients but not all. They fed me the potion. It felt like fire and then there was nothing until you showed up.” Jean stopped finally. He had reached the end of his story and he was so relieved

He felt...free. He had never told his whole story to a relative stranger.

There was no pity in Jeremy’s gaze. Only understanding. Understanding that Jean needed and would be forever grateful to Jeremy for providing.

They sat in comfortable and contemplative silence for what seemed like hours with Jean still clutching onto Jeremy’s hand. After years of being afraid of any sort of touch Jean found that he craved some touch. The good kind. 

“Jean?” Jeremy asked softly, reluctantly, as if he was as loathe to break the silence as Jean was.

“Jeremy.” Jean replied in the same tone of voice.

“I just wanted to-” Jeremy was cut off by Laila and Alvarez bursting into the shop. Jean quickly moved as far away from Jeremy as one step could take him, which with Jean’s height was quite far.. Jean saw the flash of hurt that flashed in Jeremy’s eyes before Jeremy turned to the two women. 

“Guess who got breakfast and two pots to go.” Alvarez crowed as they entered.

“Technically Jeremy did, we just picked it up.” Laila corrected from beside her. 

“Be quiet love.” Alvarez ruffled Laila’s braids with her free hand. With the other she put the bag she was holding on one of the chairs that were by the door. Laila put her bag on the other chair.

“I’ll get my food and then go take a shower.” Jeremy said in a rush. “You guys can eat down here. I won’t be down for a while. Have fun.” He walked over to the bag that Laila had been carrying and grabbed one of the to-go containers out of it. Without a backwards glance or another word he walked to his apartment before anyone could say anything. 

Sara and Laila shared knowing glances.

“I’ll talk to him after I eat. Give him time to get straightened out.” Laila said with a sigh. Alvarez nodded and grabbed the boxes that were in the bag that she had been carrying. 

“Jeremy ordered you a little bit of everything. It's in the bag on that chair.” Alvarez nodded in the direction of the other bag. “We drank a pot of coffee on the way here and the other pot is in the same bag as your food. Creamer and shit is in the mini fridge behind my desk.” It took a moment for Jean to register anything that she had just said. 

He was still in shock from Jeremy’s abrupt exit and the destruction of the hallowed silence that had been created by his story and Jeremy’s understanding.

“Oh,  _ merde. _ I cannot eat or consume liquid.” Jean said. “Jeremy had brought me coffee earlier and it just went through me.”

“It's fine. I’m sure someone will eat it.” Laila said with a friendly smile. Jean appreciated it. 

“By someone she means me.” Sara bumped her shoulder against Laila’s. Laila smiled at Sara fondly. “You should probably go check on Jeremy now. He’s stewed long enough.” Laila nodded and broke away from Sara’s side.

“You’re right.” Laila walked to Jeremy’s apartment and disappeared into the stairwell. 

As soon as Laila was out of sight. Alvarez turned on Jean.

“Now, Jean. What the hell did you do?’ Jean was shocked. 

“Um...What?” Jean stuttered out.

“Jeremy looked like he just saw a puppy die or, what I think happened, he got his heart inadvertently broken.” Alvarez said.

“What?” Jean was still confused.

“Jeremy gets attached to people very easily. Especially people who need his help.” Jean opened his mouth to protest and she held up her hand. “Look at yourself. You are a soul detached from its body and he is one of the only mages in the world powerful enough to help you. He’s going to attach himself to you. He has no self-preservation at all. Just...don’t try to hurt him. At least on purpose. I shouldn’t even be telling you this but I can tell you’re a good person.” Alvarez smiled at him. Jean took a moment to take it all in. 

He was mad at first that Alvarez thought he would try to hurt Jeremy on purpose but he realized that she didn’t know him at all and that she just wanted to protect her friend. 

“Thank you for telling me. I would never try to hurt him on purpose. It means a lot that he would even try to help me in the first place.” Jean said. What he didn’t say was that he too had formed some sort of attachment to the man trying to help him.


	4. Month 1

###  **1 Month**

Jeremy was so fucking tired. He had barely slept since Jean came to the Trojans. 

No matter how much they searched on their end there was little help coming from the Foxes. They had their own messes to deal with and most of their members were too close to the problem to be safe while working on Jean’s problem. They did have some hints on where they might have taken Jean’s body but information was scarce.

Because of this Jeremy was constantly up practicing, experimenting, reading, and using up all of his favors on the East Coast. To be fair he wasn’t the only one running themselves ragged. Alvarez, Laila and the other Trojans had to take extra case work because of him. Jean was constantly staying up with him. Another thing that they learned in the month that Jean was with the Trojan’s is that Jean was somehow bonded to Jeremy. Jeremy and Jean couldn’t leave each other’s side or else they both felt extreme pain. It was a complicated existence that kept throwing them together no matter how hard Jeremy tried to distance himself.

The late nights poring over books and trying to figure out how to conduct experiments without killing anything drove Jeremy insane. Jeans’s accent always thickened as the night went on and Jeremy always got scatterbrained. A combination of the two was becoming more and more treacherous. 

“Wait wait. Did you just say that at the tender age of 5 you saw your parents… have sex? Oh, man I am so fucking sorry” Jeremy choked out through his laughter. Jean’s deep laugh sounded through the night as they sat on Jeremy’s couch after they had just finished the last round of practice.

“Yes. It was horrifying. My parents didn’t see me at all. I have been haunted by the sight ever since. I didn’t think about it until I was like 13 and I walked in on another member of the Raven Company and a prostitute. I then realized a lot of things at once.” Jean was still laughing and Jeremy was drinking it up. Jeremy yawned and leaned his head back onto the headrest of the couch. Jean did the same. 

Jeremy looked over at Jean and was transfixed by him yet again. The contours of his face were highlighted by the flickering light of the TV. (Jeremy had learned that Jean too enjoyed nature documentaries and they used them as background for their conversations) Jean’s hair seemed to glow and his eyes were no longer slate but silver. And Jean’s smile. 

It was so heartbreakingly beautiful and strong. It was a smile that Jean had fought for tooth and nail. A smile that despite all he had been through was so unwavering. 

Jeremy had to look away from Jean before he fucked up a good thing. 

⋯

Jean was going to fuck up a good thing.

He didn’t mean to. But it happened over the course of the one long month that he had been with the Trojans. He had gotten extremely attached to Jeremy Knox.

After that second day he and Jeremy had both tried to distance themselves. Neither was hurt by it. They were trying to protect themselves and each other. However life had other plans and as Jean sat on the couch watching Jeremy react to his story he was mostly glad that life had other plans.

Jean was aware of Jeremy’s eyes on his face. If anything it made him smile wider. When Jeremy turned his face back to the ceiling and closed his eyes Jean turned to look at Jeremy.

Jeremy’s skin glowed bronze in the dim light emitting from the TV. The freckles that played across his nose and cheeks were caressed by the longest eyelashes that Jean had ever seen. And his hair. Jean had been obsessed with his hair since the beginning. Jeremy had the softest looking brown curls that seemed to have a mind of their own. Jean wanted to trace over the lines of tattoos that covered Jeremy’s arms.

“Jean, would you want to move into the apartment? You end up sleeping in here most nights and I have blackout curtains.” Jeremy started rambling with his eyes still closed although now they seemed more squeezed shut. “Also when you get your body back I cook really well. Well that’s if you want to stay when you get your body back.”

“Jeremy.” Jean said gently. Jeremy ignored him and powered on.

“You’ll have your own room here though. I know the loft sucks and it's really low and you must hit your head a lot more than I did because you’re like half a foot taller than I am. Oh, you won’t keep getting woken up by people coming in and out of the shop. Though in hindsight it's more of an office. Also-” 

“Jeremy.” Jean cut in firmly. Jeremy opened his eyes and turned to look at Jean again.

“Yeah?” Jeremy said hesitantly. Jean realized that he was probably scared that Jean would reject his offer.

“Of course I want to move into your apartment. That loft one of the shittyest places I have ever slept.” Jean smirked at Jeremy in an attempt to break the tension. It worked and Jermey relaxed.

“If you have anything downstairs to grab, go and get it while I get fresh sheets for you.” Jeremy got off of the couch and wandered off to the laundry room.

Jean was alone. Now that he was alone he realized that he should probably warn Jeremy about his nightmares. 

The nightmares weren’t as bad as they were years ago. And they weren’t as bad as they were when Jean had a physical body to get triggered by. They still happened though and Jean knew that they could be intense.

Jean got up and walked to the laundry room to go talk to Jeremy before he got the bed ready for a person that he might not want in his apartment.

“Hey. Um...Jeremy?” Jean said from behind Jeremy. Jeremy jumped.

“Fuck. I keep forgetting that you make like no noise.” Jeremy looked over his shoulder from where he was putting sheets in the washing machine and grinned sheepishly.

“Uh, yeah. Sorry. Anyway I wanted to warn you that I can get pretty violent nightmares and sometimes they can make me scream or lash out at my surroundings.If you don’t want me to stay because of that. Well I’d understand.” Jean said with his head hung low staring at the tile floor. Jeremy turned around quickly. 

“Jean, look at me.” Jeremy waited for Jean to pick his head up and look at him before continuing. “I don’t care how loud you scream or if you punch a hole through my wall. I’m not going to let you punish yourself for having nightmares. Especially since that would make me a hypocrite seeing as I have them myself.” Jeremy smiled gently at Jean.

“Thank you for this Jeremy. For everything. _ Merci. _ ”

“It’s my pleasure Jean” Jeremy said. There was something new in Jeremy’s eyes though Jean couldn’t tell what though. Before Jeremy turned back to the washing machine with a soft smile on his face Jean had the thought that maybe the thing that he saw wasn’t as new as he thought.

⋯

Jeremy was glad to have Jean staying with him. It made their lives a lot easier. Jeremy didn’t have to run down two flights of stairs whenever he had a breakthrough and Jean didn’t have to go far when he drifted off to sleep on Jeremy’s couch. They both didn’t feel the strain from the bond that they had before Jean started sleeping in Jeremy’s apartment.

Jeremy had to move a bookshelf into his apartment so they could have easy access to the books they needed. Once Jean started sleeping in the apartment full time they never stopped researching. By the end of the first week of Jean staying in the apartment they had come closer than they had in two months.

“ _ Putain.  _ Hey, Jeremy can you look at this please?” Jean asked from where he was standing by the bookshelf. 

“Yeah just gimme a minute. I need to add this one ingredient.” Jeremy said as he brewed yet another energy potion. (energy drinks tend to make magic go haywire) 

Once he added the sunstone he walked over to Jean. 

“What did you want me to look at?” Jeremy asked.

“Well I  found this ritual and the components look almost identical to the one used on me.”Jean handed the book to Jeremy. Jeremy quickly looked over the ritual.

“Jean, you found the reverse spell.” Jeremy looked into Jean’s eyes and for the first time saw them full of hope that he didn’t know was missing. “No more experimenting, no more searching for answers. Jean once we find your body we can fix you.”

“Please,  _ please _ tell me that you aren’t misreading.” Jean begged. Jeremy turned the book for Jean to see.

“Look Jean, this rune means life, this one means soul, and this one the Veil.” Jeremy pointed to each one in turn. “The ritual that you were involved with had the same runes except it had death instead of life. I don’t know where the fuck this book came form but this might be our savior.” 

“Jer you are vibrating.” Jean said and clamped a hand down on Jeremy’s shoulder.

“Oh, uh sorry. I forgot I used to do that when I got really excited.” Jeremy was confused. It had been years since he had done that. He had though he had stopped years ago and this wasn’t even that good of news. They still had possibly months of work left.

“I think it’s cute.” Jean said absentmindedly and Jeremy’s brain froze. He felt his face and neck grow hot.

“I-uh-thanks I think?” Jeremy stuttered out.

“ _ De rein.” _ Jean was completely focused on the book in front of him now for which Jeremy was grateful. It gave him a second to form comprehensive thought.

“I’m going to go finish the potion for tonight. We can break down the components of the ritual later and see what I need to work on.” Jeremy said trying to coax something out of Jean.

“ _ Vous faites que je vais le faire. _ ” Jean tended to slip into only French when he was concentrating on something that was written in English so Jeremy was getting excellent at understanding French again and had gotten used to the effect it had on him. He had also gotten used to being dismissed quite rudely even though he knew Jean didn’t mean it most of the time the brush offs still stung every once and a while and this was one of those times.

Jeremy didn’t want to ruin the good mood that was between them so he let it roll off his back this time. He’d brought it up before and it had led to an argument but Jeremy didn’t want to deal with that mess right now.

“Awesome.” Jeremy said as he turned around. He got back to work on the potion and Jean kept staring at the same page trying to learn all of its secrets.


	5. Month 2

###  **2 Month**

“Jean?” Jeremy called into the dark apartment. There was no response and the bond that tied them together felt relaxed. “Jean where the fuck are you?”

Jeremy looked into Jean’s room and he wasn’t there. He looked into his room and Jean was’t there. Jean was nowhere to be found in the apartment. There was one place that Jeremy was hesitant to check but he knew he would have to. The roof. 

He had shown Jean how to go up there weeks ago. They normally went up together because Jeremy figured out how to get rid of the nearby light pollution so that they could see the stars from the roof. It had become their little escape from the mess that was their life. 

There was one slight problem. Jeremy was terrified of heights. He was only able to go onto the roof if someone came with him. However Jeremy really needed to talk to Jean and he really needed to find him so Jeremy steeled himself and walked over to the window. He opened it and felt the cool night air blow into the apartment.

“Fuck, Jean I really hope you’re up here.” Jeremy muttered to himself as he slung his leg onto the window sill. The streetlights allowed him to see the ladder on the side of the building that was about two feet away from the window sill. Jeremy took a deep breath and climbed over to the ladder. Once he was on the ladder he started shaking. 

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck.” He said under his breath as he started to climb on shaking legs. Jeremy’s mind went blank as he focused on putting one foot in front of the other and not looking down.

Before he knew it he had reached the roof and Jean. 

“Oh thank fuck you’re up here. I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t up here.” Jeremy said as he climbed up to the roof. 

“What do you want Jeremy?” Jean said miserably.

“Well I had something to tell you but right now I’m going to ask what’s wrong.” Jeremy said sitting near Jean. 

“What isn’t wrong Jeremy!” Jean exclaimed he put his head in his hands. Jeremy stared at him for a moment. Explosive behavior character for Jean so Jeremy was highly concerned.

“Jean talk to me. Maybe I can help.” Jeremy said softly.

“You can’t help because you don’t get it. You still have a life. You still have your powers. I have nothing. I am a burden to you. I know I am. I can’t stand this anymore.” Jean sounded like he was in so much pain and it broke Jeremy’s heart. He wanted to show Jean that he wasn’t a burden to him. To tell him everything but he was so scared that Jean wouldn't believe him. That he would just think that Jeremy was telling him things just to get him to calm down.

“Jean, will you please look at me?” Jeremy moved to the front of Jean and hovered his hands near Jean’s wrists. “May I?” He asked and Jean slowly nodded. When Jeremy got his go ahead he pulled Jean’s wrists away from his face. Jeremy laced his fingers through Jean’s “Jean you are not a burden. You have made my life so much easier. So what if I have to help you get your body back. I get to hang out with an amazing human being. An amazingly talented, strong human being who despite the shit lot he’s gotten in life has become so hopeful and kind and amazing” Jeremy took a breath before continuing. “You are not a burden because any burden you may have caused you help to lift. You have never let this fall all on my shoulders and you haven’t let me bare all of it at once like I tend to do. If anything you carry the most of this burden. You help do everything despite not having your powers. You help with cases that aren’t yours. You help cook. You help clean. You join me at the gym so I can work off steam when you don’t have to. When you could insist that we stay here. Jean please don’t ever think that you are a burden to me. You never could be.” Jeremy’s eyes were burning by the time he finished. 

“ _ Merci Jeremy. Je me noyais et j’ai perdu et tu viens de me sauver _ .” Jean whispered. Jermey only knew a few of the words that Jean whispered but he understood it still. Somehow during Jeremy’s speech they had moved closer together. Jeremy decided to take a risk and gently moved his forehead to touch Jean’s. They both inhaled sharply when their skin made contact but neither moved.

They sat facing each other both barely moving and foreheads still touching for an indeterminate amount of time. Just embracing the intimate closeness that they both had forgotten existed.

⋯

Jean was grateful for Jeremy. He had been saved by the man in more ways than one. Jeremy was probably the only reason that Jean hadn’t gone completly fucking insane. He was also grateful for his steady presence. Jeremy had been an unsteady force when they had first had met but Jean could not blame him. He had felt the loss of his love once again and had promised to help a stranger who had almost gotten him killed before they had even met each other.

It was an unsteady time for them both and Jean was honestly grateful that they shared the experience. Despite their desperation to not get close at the time the shared experience and feelings did that for them.

“Oh Jean. I need to tell you something. It's what I came up here for.” Jeremy whispered. Their foreheads were still touching.

“Jeremy you’re worrying me.” Jean said smiling to let Jeremy know that he wasn’t serious.

“Well, I just got off a call with Neil and before that I was on the phone with a contact of mine. And well.” Jeremy paused before grinning. “They know where your body is. It’s here in LA.”

Jean’s face froze in shock and Jeremy’s face immediately fell. Jean wanted to tell Jeremy that he was happy. That he was excited to have his body back but he couldn’t.

Jean was so overjoyed that nothing would come out. So instead of speaking he tackled Jeremy in a hug and started to laugh. 

“Oh, fuck!” Jeremy started to laugh and before long they were a laughing mess.

Jean lifted himself off Jeremy so he wouldn’t be crushed by the taller man for too long but Jeremy flipped them so that he was on top before gently falling onto Jean’s chest. If Jean had a heart it would have been beating out of his chest like he felt Jeremy’s doing.

“Is this okay?” Jeremy asked softly.

“This is more than okay.” Jean said and the smaller man snuggled into his chest. They sat in their usual comfortable silence for a while despite the new situation they both found themselves in.

“Jean?”

“Jer?” They both spoke at the same time and fell into a fit of laughter again.

“You go first.” Jeremy said.

“Jeremy, are you happy?” Jean said. Jeremy was silent for a moment before responding.

“I am happy. Yeah do I have days where I wish that I could go back and never fall in love with Jamie so I wouldn’t go through the pain.” Jeremy smiled a brilliant smile. “But the pain has made my happiness all the better. These past months have shown me that I can live and l-,”Jeremy cut himself off abruptly and turned bright red, “love life again.”

“That’s a good answer.” Jean said pensively. 

“What about you Jean?” Jeremy asked. “Are you happy?” Jean already had an answer ready.

“I am happy. I didn't know what happiness was for a long time. It's always been a feeling that has hidden right out of sight. Now I know for sure what happiness is. It's the most amazing feeling, save one other. It makes me feel whole and after not knowing what happiness felt like for so long has made the happiness that I have now feel…” Jean was at a loss for words but Jeremy’s understanding came through once again. 

“Yeah. I know.” Jeremy whispered and pushed a lock of hair away from Jean’s face. Jean reached up to lace his fingers through Jeremy’s. Their eyes met and Jean was finally found. Something in Jeremy’s face said that he felt the same way.

For the rest of the night they stayed on the roof whispering and laughing and when dawn came they were asleep in each other's arms.


	6. Month 3

###  **3 Month**

When Jean saw his body inhabited by another person he started to cry. 

He didn’t see it in person but in a photograph that had been taken by Jeremy’s contact. Jeremy had shown it to him the night after the roof. They were sitting on the couch watching yet another nature documentary. Jeremy had mentioned earlier that day that his contact had proof that Jean’s body was in LA. Jean requested that he be shown the proof and Jeremy pulled the photograph out of a manila folder that was on the coffee table. 

When Jeremy had seen his shoulder start to shake he had taken the photo out of Jean’s limp hands. Jeremy’s hands hovered over his shoulders this time and there was another whispered  _ May I _ ? When Jean nodded Jeremy pulled him to his chest and let Jean clutch at his shirt while he cried. 

Jean stayed clutching onto Jeremy’s shirt long after he had stopped crying just seeking the comfort of Jeremy’s solidity and strength. Jeremy gently rubbed Jean’s back as they sat on the couch in silence.

“ _ Merci Jeremy. Pour tout _ .” Jean said into Jeremy’s chest.

“ _ Vous êtes le bienvenu jean. Pour tout. _ ” Jeremy whispered into Jean’s hair. Jean picked his head up slightly.

“Since when do you know French?” Jean asked. 

“I knew a little bit from when I tried to learn it with Jamie. Having you speak it quite a bit brought it back.” Jeremy said. Jean pulled away from Jeremy farther, still not letting Jeremy go completely. Jeremy smiled sheepishly. “I may have also been practicing so I could understand what you say sometimes.” 

“ _ Jeremy Knox tu es comme un chiot. _ ” Jean was grinning. 

“I don’t know that much French.” Jeremy whined Jean finally let go of Jeremy’s t-shirt only to wrap his arms around the smaller man and pulled Jeremy into his chest.

“ _ C'est parfait.” _

⋯

Jeremy asked another contact of his to figure out who the person inhabiting Jean’s body was. On the third day of Jean’s third month with the Trojans Jeremy got an answer. 

The report had been slid underneath the front door of Jeremy’s apartment like always. Like always Jeremy had read it right there wanting to give Jean some news. 

When he had read the report he had slowly sunk to the wooden floor unable to look away from it. Jeremy sat there for what seemed like years unable to form thought.

The bastards had used the spirit of a child. 

A child who Jeremy knew. The boy’s name had been Juan Moreno. 

His parents were illegal immigrants who had wanted their child to be born in America. Just like Jeremy’s grandparents.

It was a very tight knit community when Jeremy had been growing up. And he knew the child. Hell he was at the boy’s baby shower. When Jeremy had been moving out of his father’s apartment they helped him move.

Apparently the boy had died of cancer within a year because his parents couldn’t get insurance. Little smiling Juan who had visited him in the hospital and brought Jeremy a pink stuffed elephant. Jeremy had no clue when he had become so disconnected from his roots. 

Jeremy was adrift. 

The door swung open to the view of a smiling Jean. a view that was becoming more and more common. Jeremy drug his head up from the report to look at Jean.

That beautiful smile fell from his face when he saw the pure misery in Jeremy’s face.

“ _ Mon soleil ce qui s’est passé _ ?” Jean asked crouching in front of Jeremy.

“Th-they,” Jeremy tried to tell Jean but he couldn’t seem to form any word.

“Hey,  _ mon soleil. _ It will be okay.” Jean moved to Jeremy’s side so he could rub soothing circles at the nape of Jeremy’s neck. Jeremy leaned into the heatless touch. Jean slowly pried the report out of Jeremy’s fingers so he could read over it. 

Jean was silent for a while and Jeremy could only imagine what was going through his head. Jean dropped the report and pulled Jeremy into his arms and onto his lap. Jeremy started to sob.

“Shhh.” Jean rocked them back and forth and started to sing the same lullaby that he had sung to Jeremy when they had first met. 

“Jean I-” Jeremy cut himself off. He had no clue what he was going to say.  _ I’m sorry. I like you a lot more than I should. I want you to stay. I want you to be better. Thank you.  _ There was too much to tell him so Jeremy just turned his face into Jean’s neck and stayed silent.

“I know.  _ Je sais.”  _ Jean said and continued to sing. 

Jeremy was overwhelmed. He was overwhelmed by Jean’s comfort. By his calmness. Jean was Jeremy’s rock once again. Jeremy felt like he was out to sea and Jean was his anchor. 

When Jean stopped singing Jeremy picked his head up and started to disentangle himself from Jean.

“Stay, please.” Jean whispered. Jeremy didn’t want to leave in the first place so he stayed. 

Instead of going elsewhere to talk about what they had to do Jean and Jeremy stayed on the floor curled together. 

“Jeremy, are you going to be okay expelling his spirit?” Jean asked.

“Yes.” Jeremy said determinedly. “He deserves to pass over and not be used as a pawn. I’m tired of them controlling people. You, Kevin, Neil, and Juan. They’ve ruined so many lives. If I can keep them from ruining another then I’ll do whatever it takes.” 

“I will too.” 

“We’re going to get this done soon.” Jeremy said. “You’ll be free to go anywhere and do anything.” 

“What about you?” Jean asked.

“I can’t leave. I owe everyone here so much.” Jeremy said almost sadly.

“Don’t you think they’d want you to move on?” Jean said softly. Jeremy’s brain stopped. He had an idea. 

“After this is over I need you to come with me to do something. I’ll tell you when it’s time. But right now everything is too crazy. Is that okay?” 

“It’s fine. Just give me some warning when it’s time.” Jean said. Jeremy nodded.

“We need to tell the girls our plan now. We need their help.” Jeremy said.

“ We do. We need to tell the Foxes too. Just in case.”

“Jean there will be no ‘just in case’. We’re going to succeed. We need to tell the Foxes because this is their fight too.” Jeremy said with resolve. With that they untangled and walked downstairs hand in hand to tell Laila and Sara how exactly they were going to get Jean’s body back.

⋯

“Jeremy hurry up.” Jean called from the doorway. 

“I am. I just have to grab one last thing.” Jeremy called from within the shop. When he finally emerged he was carrying his sack, and, unfortunately for Jean, two motorcycle helmets. 

“Jeremy. I have one single question for you.” Jean sighed.

“Yes Jean?”

“Why the hell are we riding a motorcycle to kidnap someone?” Jean asked.

“Alvarez and Laila are going to meet us there with the truck and it's less expected of someone to show up to a kidnapping on a motorcycle.” Jeremy said. Then he smirked “Also it's just fun.” 

“This is the last time I will ride on this motorcycle.” Jean said.

“Alright.” Jeremy said. “One last ride.” He suddenly sounded somewhat melancholy and Jean made a mental note about it.

Jeremy headed to the motorcycle and stuffed his bag into the storage compartment. When he slung his leg over it Jean’s face started to heat up. As much as he hated riding on it he didn’t mind at all the way Jeremy looked on a motorcycle. 

Jean swallowed and took his normal position behind Jeremy. When they rode for the first time the height differences made it somewhat awkward to ride together but they soon became accustomed to the way riding together felt.

Jeremy started the bike and Jean tried to let himself get lost in the feel of the wind against his body and the press and heat of Jeremy’s.

The sky was cloudy and Jean was worried about how that would affect their plans for the day. Many spells and rituals had to be performed under certain conditions and he was unsure if Jeremy would be able to perform the spell with minimal sun. Jean tried to have faith. In Jeremy he had total faith. It was his faith in the circumstances that was wavering. Jean didn’t know what was going to happen and that terrified him. 

He didn’t know what was going to happen with his body. He didn’t know what was going after he got his body. He didn’t know what he was going to do with the ever present  _ feelings _ for Jeremy. They both had been growing closer in every sense of the word but that didn’t mean anything was a guarantee. Jean didn’t want to risk the life that he had gained here.

The Foxes had felt like a pit stop on his way somewhere else and travelling the world was enriching but hollow all the same. Being in L.A. with the Trojans he had finally found a home and he didn’t want to risk it for anything. He would give up his body permanently if it meant to stay. A thought that scared and thrilled him all the same. His desire to belong was gone. He belonged.

Jean was jarred out of his thoughts by the motorcycle coming to a stop outside of the coffee shop where they were going to carry out their plan.

He could see the silver pickup truck on the other side of the parking lot with Alvarez and Laila still in it. Jean saw Jeremy freeze in front of him before he turned around to face Jean.

“Jean, before I go in I want you to know that these few months have been amazing. There is nothing that I won’t do to help you to get your body back. I hope you know that.” Jeremy said with one of the most open expressions Jean had ever seen from the man.

“Jeremy, what are you planning?” Jean said skeptically. 

“Don’t worry about it. Everything will be perfectly fine. Trust me.” Jeremy said. He was smiling but Jean noticed a tightness in expression. 

“Okay.” Jean said. Jeremy smiled at him one last time before walking into the coffee shop completely alone. As the door closed behind Jeremy, Jean whispered,”  _ S'il vous plaît soyez prudent, mon soleil. _ ”

⋯

“Can I please have one cappucino?” Jeremy asked the barista with a brilliant smile.

“Coming right up, sir. Can I have your name for the order?” the barista replied. Jeremy was looking around the coffee shop so it took him a second to respond.

“Oh, uh yeah. It's Jeremy.” the barista gave him a flirty smile before they moved away to prepare Jeremy’s drink.

When the barista returned and handed Jeremy his drink they didn’t say anything but on the napkin was their phone number and  _ I like your nails. Call me.  _ Jeremy shoved it into his pocket knowing that he wouldn’t ever call the number but he appreciated the compliment. He had painted his nails sliver and black the night before.

Jeremy hated painting his nails himself. The look on Jean’s face when he saw the colors that Jeremy had picked out was worth all of the time spent on doing the nails. 

Jeremy scanned the shop to see where Juan might be sitting. His eyes fell onto a man sitting in the corner. His posture was slumped and he seemed to be trying to shrink himself away. Jeremy walked over to the table nearby and slid into the seat. 

Juan looked over at him with disbelief on his face. Jeremy just smiled at him kindly before turning away.

“Jer-jer?” Juan said in a small voice. Jeremy had to shake himself for a moment. It was Jean’s voice saying his childhood nickname. He was not prepared for this. Jeremy schooled his emotions quickly and stared straight ahead.

“Hi, Juan.” Jeremy said. “How have you been?” Jeremy looked over at Juan out of the corner of his eye. Juan was floored.

“How?” Juan simply asked.

“Because I need your help. You are in the body of someone that I care about very much. I need you to get out of it.” Jeremy said.

“But the men told me that they’d help my family if I stayed.” Juan said sadly.

“How did they say that they’d help your family?” Jeremy felt a small hint of panic in the back of his mind.

“They said they’d give my Mom and Dad some money.” Juan said. 

“Juan they won’t. Please come with me. If you come with me you can go back. You can finally rest.” Jeremy said slowly.

“But my mom and dad?” 

“Juan, they'd want you to rest. And those men. The ones who said that they would give them money are very bad men.” Jeremy said. “Do you remember Jamie and  _ mi papa _ ?”

“Yes. I miss them.” Juan looked sad.

“ _ Los hombres que van a dar a su familia dinero mató a Jaime y a mi padre. _ ” Jeremy resorted to speaking in Spanish. He didn’t want anyone else to hear this part of the conversation.

“ _ No quiero que mi familia muera. Dijeron que mi familia moriría si no ayudaba.”  _ Juan sounded distressed and his pupils were blown wide in fear.

“ _ Protegeré a tu familia. No saldrán lastimados si tengo la culpa, _ ” Jeremy said quickly. He was running out of time quickly. 

“ _ Voy. Quiero irme a dormir. Los hombres no me dejan dormir. Me hacen herir a la gente. Ya no quiero lastimar a la gente.”  _ Juan sounded like the weight of the world was on his shoulders and Jeremy wanted to tear the Moriyamas down brick by brick.

“ _ Tenemos que ir ahora cachorro. Si no lo hacemos, entonces no puedes irte a dormir. _ ” Jeremy stood up and Juan did the same. They walked out of the coffee shop together. 

Alvarez and Laila were waiting with the truck idling and Jean was still waiting by the motorcycle. Jeremy’s face immediately heated up at the sight of Jean next to a motorcycle but that wasn’t his priority right now. He walked over to the truck and told Juan to get in. 

Juan recognized both Laila and Alvarez so he got in readily. He was hesitant however when he saw the spectre of Jean walk over to the truck and get in beside him. Jeremy explained to Juan that he would be taking the motorcycle and meeting them there. Juan perked back up at the mention of the motorcycle. 

Jeremy gave Jean a small sad smile that hid nothing on purpose. He didn’t want to worry Jean but there was no way that Jeremy was going to hide his feelings now even if he couldn’t necessarily act on them. Jeremy shut the door to the truck before Jean could say anything in his beautiful, heartbreaking voice and crumble Jeremy’s resolve. 

Jeremy’s plan was insane and he was glad that only he and Laila knew all of it. If anyone else knew they would have tried to stop him. And they would have failed and it would hurt everyone else so much more if something went wrong. 

At least that’s what Jeremy told himself as he climbed onto his motorcycle and pulled out of the parking lot, in hopes that he wouldn’t back down. He was terrified that his plan wouldn’t work or would backfire on him. However, he was prepared to do anything to see this through. Jeremy wanted to give Jean a life even if he couldn’t be in it. A sentiment that developed rapidly and terrified Jeremy. He had never fallen quite this quickly before.

That was the last thought he had before pulling up next to the same warehouse where this all started. 

⋯

The truck was silent except for the breathing of the occupants. Luckily before Jean could get too deep into his thoughts Sara turned the radio onto some station that played popular music and Jean let that take him away until they pulled up to the warehouse. Jeremy was standing outside and staring at it like it was a mountain that needed to be climbed.

Jeremy was so concentrated on what was in front of him that when Jean touched his shoulder to announce his presence Jeremy didn’t even flinch like he normally did. 

“Jeremy what is wrong?” Jean said as they stared at the warehouse together.

“I’m just worried about what’s going to happen.” Jeremy said. They stood in silence for a while as the other three milled around behind them, Jean could feel the moment when Jeremy’s gaze finally shifted from warehouse to him. 

Jean in turn looked at Jeremy. Jeremy had been fidgeting with his bag, his jacket, anything that he could get his hands on until he suddenly stilled. Jeremy fully turned to face Jean. He dropped his bag to the ground and took the single step that separated the two men. Jean was confused but waited to see what Jeremy would do. When Jeremy cupped Jean’s jaw in his hands his senses became just as good as they were before the loss of his body.

He smelled the leather of Jeremy’s jacket. He could see Jeremy’s blue eyes blown wide as he looked up at Jean’s face. He heard the slight hitch in Jeremy’s breath as he pushed up on to his toes. He felt the touch of the soft lips on his. Jean tasted the mint gum Jeremy chewed when he was nervous. 

Jeremy pulled away quickly before Jean could kiss him back but his calloused hands remained cupping Jean’s face. Despite the short amount of time Jean still felt the featherlight remains of Jeremy’s kiss.

“I didn’t want to miss the chance to do that. I don’t know what’s going to happen today at all but I didn’t want anything to happen without kissing you.” Jeremy said quickly. “I was going to wait until after but I didn’t know how you were going to feel or if you were going to feel the same. Or if you felt anything at a-”

Jean bent down and pressed his lips to Jeremy’s. He could feel all of the pent up tension leave Jeremy’s body at once. Jean slid his hands into Jeremy’s curls and Jermey pressed his body up against Jean’s as they both opened up to each other. 

Jean broke away from the kiss when he felt the first drops of rain on his head. He didn’t go far but it was enough for Jeremy to wrap his arms around his torso and bury his face into Jean’s chest.

“ _ Ce qui ne va pas chérie? _ ” Jean murmured into Jeremy’s damp curls.

“ _ Je vais vous dire après que ce soit fini. _ ” Jeremy said into Jean’s chest.

“Okay. Promise?” Jean asked.

“Promise.” Jeremy nodded.

“Jeremy we’re running out of daylight.” Alvarez called from by the truck. Jeremy pulled away from Jean with a groan. 

“I forgot they were there.” Jeremy huffed out. Jean smiled at him.

“ _Elle a raison. Nous devons partir._ ” Jean told him.  
“I know.” Jeremy said with a slight frown. “We should go in.” And with that they all entered the warehouse on final time.

⋯

Jeremy was shaking as he drew the pentagram next to the old one that was still stained with Jean’s blood. He was prepared for the ritual. Just not the aftermath. 

Jeremy drew the final symbol and Jean stepped into the center of the new pentagram without a word and Juan entered the old one.

Jeremy had reviewed the plan with Juan and Jean both constantly. There was to be no speaking noise except for Jeremy speaking the spell once the final rune was drawn. 

Jeremy drew three vials and his spellbook out of his bag. He handed the black colored vial to Juan, the crystal one to Jean, and he downed the blood red vial. 

As soon as Jeremy felt the liquid hit his stomach and he got two nods from the other men he began to speak his spell. 

This time was different than the last he was here. He felt the burn immediately. Jeremy struggled to keep his words even as he felt the death magic and light magic collide inside his body. The ball surrounding them was pitch black and he saw the confusion on Jean’s face and the awe on Juan’s.

He knew Laila and Sara were outside waiting for Jean and Jeremy to emerge whole. He knew they were expecting it but he didn’t know if he’d be able to keep their expectation. Jeremy wanted it so badly. To stay alive. To tell people why things had to happen this way. But the fire coursing through his body didn’t seem to want the same things as Jeremy did. 

He kept chanting though. He kept chanting until he saw Jean's body slump to the ground. He kept chanting when he saw Jean’s spirit float into its rightful place. Jeremy kept chanting until Jean was standing and he wasn’t. He kept chanting until the world finally faded to black and the fire receded from his body.


	7. After

###  **After**

The second he regained consciousness the first thing Jean saw was an unconscious Jeremy. Jean slowly rose to his feet and walked over to Jeremy. His movements were jerky but it felt good to feel solid. He would have felt whole if his world wasn’t lying on the floor pale as death. 

Jean was terrified. He hadn’t known what Jeremy was planning at all. He had only told people on a need to know basis and now he knew why. 

The idiot had tainted his power with death magic to pull this feat off. As he thought of all of the consequences of what Jeremy had done he felt long missed power fly to his hands. Jean knelt next to Jeremy and gently rolled him flat on his back.

“ _ Putain d'idiot. Pourquoi avez-vous recommencé à jouer au martyr? _ ” Jean hovered his hands over Jeremy’s prone body “  _ Au moins cette fois je peux faire quelque chose _ .” Jean murmured as his hands started to glow with golden light. 

The golden light moved to surround Jeremy’s body. When the light finally sunk into Jeremy there was a moment of sheer terror that filled Jean. He didn’t know if his powers worked, he didn’t know anything. But then Jeremy gasped and shot up. Jeremy started to grasp at Jean with wild eyes. Jean gently laced his arms around Jeremy as he shook. Jean had some idea of what was happening but he wasn’t completely certain.

“It was Hell. I saw Hell.” Jeremy whispered. 

“ _ Je suis désolé mon amour _ ” Jean said.

“Don’t be. It was worth it. I love you. You're here.” Jeremy paused for a moment before his face lifted. ”Wait you’re here. It worked. You have your body. I can’t believe it worked. It feels so good. To have you here. You’re so warm. Oh wait I forgot. I meant to do this.” Jean had a bemused smile on his face at Jeremy’s rambling until Jeremy pressed his chapped lips to Jean’s extremely soft ones. Jeremy pulled away for a moment and smiled like the sun after a storm.

“Juan loved chapstick apparently.” Jean huffed out a laugh at that before Jeremy leaned back in. Jean’s mouth opened under his. Jeremy started to make his way down Jean’s neck and to his collarbone and back up the other side. Jean pulled Jeremy completely onto his lap. 

When they finally broke their kiss for air Jeremy’s lips were swollen and his eyes were as dark as the night sky. Jeremy was grinning like a fool. 

“Jean I never thought I’d tell another person the words ‘I love you’ until I met you. You broke through my barriers and shook up my life. You told me I deserve another shot at happiness. I love you Jean Moreau.” Jeremy said almost reverently.

“I love you too Jeremy Knox.” Jean said.

“Also Jean as much as I love you. Could we maybe leave. My bones feel like jelly.” Jeremy said with a wince as he shifted slightly.

“Oh. Yeah. We should go.” Jean immediately was worried but amused. Jeremy was still grinning despite everything and as they carefully shifted around each other laughing and wincing Jean felt himself doing the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAhhhhh YOU MADE IT. Thank you guys so so so much for reading this. It's my baby and i immedately love you all for reading it thank you thank you thank you :)


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